C him go.

Ooooh C. You will be the death of me.

You know, it's sort of a love/hate relationship with him. I love talking to him, loving seeing him in the hallways, love his personality and everything. But i hate what he did to me. I hate who he used to be...but now he seems different. More friendly, less angry (is it an act?)....i don't know if i've changed at all. i guess only he can tell me that.

Me and C. we talk so much. From the time school gets out until we fall asleep (unless we're busy). Me and B talk all the time too, though. Unless he wants his..."me" time. *rolls eyes*

I'm not trying to choose, no. I'm trying to decide what kind of relationship i have with C. it's more than a friend relationship but less than a romantic one. I think maybe it's because of what we had...had. What a sad word. The past tense version of have.

Now that i'm talking to him though, i miss him so much. I flip through my journal and read what i wrote and wish i still felt that way. But i can't feel that way. I try. I try to forget about B for 5 minutes. see what it would be like to not have him and just have C.

But i just...can't.

It's so confusing, my feelings for him. It's like they are impossible to understand unless you are in my mind, because i really can't explain.

Grr. I've been through this more than once with C. I don't want to do it again if it has the same ending. Whatever...i don't know who is going to decide what i do...

but its NOT

going to be

me.

AHHHH ORA TAKE MY CONFUSION AWAY. I love you Ora.

I like ur pots. you better give me one (: