See this.

I wonder

if you still look at me.

When you see me in the halls,

do you notice me?

Are we still friends,

or what?

Were we ever friends,

or just something else entirely?

I wish i could talk to you

and ask these questions.

But somehow,

i feel...ashamed?

Is that the word for it?

i don't know.

I try to send random texts,

just to start a conversation.

But it never really works,

because i think you're on to me.

The last time we talked was

one day after summer school.

you made me so mad...

And now,

i'm writing a story

of what i wish could have been

between you and me.

And all i want to do is talk to you.

I don't want a rekindled relationship

or even a real friendship.

I just want to talk to you

every once in a while.

But maybe

not even that

is a good idea.

Will you see this?

Probably not.

But hey,

you might.

Dizzy.

My poem "Dizzy" has been published in two books (:

I entered them in the World Poetry Movement contest ($1,000 Grand Prize) and Eber and Wein Publishing contest ($2,000 Grand Prize).

I received two letters today, one from each contest.

They both told me that my poem was published in their book and automatically entered into the final contest.

In one of the contests 1st and 2nd prize winners get a Gold or Silver medal and in the other 2nd prize winners get $100 and a plaque and 3rd prize winners get a plaque.

Whether i get a plaque or a medal, i would be so excited.

Even if it was just bronze!

If i win either of the grand prizes, they'll be going in my savings account for college.

Speaking of that...

I have a piggy bank in my room with $28.22. That is an accomplishment (:

It's made up completely of change and 1 dollar bills.

Today is a day of proudness.

This is really the first time i've felt proud of myself in a long time.

Je déteste les garçons.

Literally...

you can't live with them, but you can't live without them.

All of them are so confusing.

Telling you one thing at 3:00 and then telling you the exact opposite at 5:00.

One day, you want nothing to do with me.

The next, you get mad because i'm watching a movie and won't spend time with you.

Make up your mind.

It's really not that hard, i promise.

I got 99 problems, you better hope you're not one.

F*** around and never get Roger back.

You know who you are.

Wow. You sent me a text message.

I checked my phone expecting a text from my brother, my sister, my Ora, or my boyfriend...but i saw your name instead.

How strange is it?

Knowing that we used to talk every day...break the rules just to talk to each other.

And now...well, now we never talk.

Literally...i haven't talked to you since football season.

I almost left him for you, you know.

I even told him. I told him that i was starting to feel the way i used to.

He accepted it...

But i chose to stay with him. Lucky i did.

10 happy months.

Would i have gotten that with you? Could you have given that to me?

I guess we'll never know.

You always promised me that when you turned 16, you would be with me again.

You're 16 now...

Oh, how things change.

You texted me, wondering about my blog.

Knowing you still look at it gives me the idea that you still care...

even if it's just a little...

...You know who you are.